Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
