I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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