I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
