There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am naked and annoyed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
