i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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