I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
