You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
false alarm. still invincible.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
