he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
