You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
