the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
