she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
