Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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