my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
