maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
