why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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