I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
