I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
