he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
