ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
