Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
