After last night, I could never be a politician.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
