It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
