You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
