I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
