Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
