Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
