my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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