he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
