Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
