I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
