I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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