Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
