Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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