Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
