The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
