Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
