i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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