My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
