Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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