just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
