ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
worst night to have a conscience
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just invented taco cereal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The air taste purple.
Randomize
