i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
jump out the window naked night went bad
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