I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
