i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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