I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
