Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
