My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
