I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
