Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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