I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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