You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
